This year we ditched the candy and decided on a new neighborhood gift

Christmas Newsletter from The Bates

Hello there friends and family! Its Christmas time once again and that also means that it’s time for the Bates Family Newsletter. We hope that this message will warm you up like a midnight covered wagon (or dutch oven), and bring a smile to your face like a classic episode of Yee-haw or Donnie and Marie. Mike and I wanted to share our most recent picture of ourselves with you. Don’t you love my new hair do. Mike’s favorite saying is “I can’t wait for tomorrow cause I get better looking each day”. Love them penny loafers!!!

Enjoy this sweet little newsletter (no calories, no trans fat, but filled with plenty of gooey goodness), as we certainly did putting it together for you. See, the Berlins aren’t the only ones who can do this….and hair.

Mike and Cindy Bates

Let us introduce you to our darlings….and our black sheep Matt.

Update on Matthew "Duh Duh" Bates

Matthew, or also known as “Mr. Techno Dork” (his choice) still continues to bore use with his technical nerdiness. Matt keeps trying to tell us that one day his geekiness will pay off and he’ll rule the world…we just don’t have the heart to tell him that he isn’t programming a “super computer” but rather we are letting him play with our broken microwave. Heaven help us. Matthew…excuse me, Mr. Techno Dork still has made a lot of new friends this year, but unfortunately they are all pictures within People magazine. We are hoping that one of these days he’ll grow out this phase of Neil Diamond and sequence shirts and start listing to some rap or something rowdy or risky. For anyone reading this, he is for sale…NO, he is free to a good home. We'll throw in his palm pilot as a special incentive. Mr. Techno Dork’s advice to the world this Christmas season is:

"No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends."

Referring to People magazine: "If it not real they can't print it."

To truly hock a loogie, one must not retrieve the phlegm from the throat, but from the soul.

Mom: “Matt, you are such a nerd!”
Matt: “I sure am!”

Update on our Precious Heather Bear

Our little dancing queen (not to be confused with Matt) is becoming quite the little star. Currently Heather is dancing away in France and Switzerland (STAY AWAY FROM MOULON ROUGE …STAY FAR AWAY…PoP Tarts live there!!!). Looking at this picture it’s easy to see she has her father's dancing legs and form. Heather's next goal in life is to come back to Utah and become the Dancing (Mt.) Dew girl…and travel throughout the state of Utah performing at all the major Maverik stores promoting this heavenly citrus beverage. Dream big girl, dream big. Here is Heather's Christmas advice and wish for the world:

“Are you aware that I am rubber, and you are glue, and whatever you say to me bounces off, of me, and sticks to you? So put that in your, back pocket.”

“Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and than I smell them like this!”

“SUPERSTAR!”

An Update on Eric "K-ing Pin" Bates

You're probably looking at this photo and wondering if Eric just got back from a hunting safari...hunting for HOT Polyester pattern suits that is. Our precious Eric continues to amaze us with his sales abilities on the used car sales lot. Unfortunately, the car lot that he works at in Provo only sales mini vans with wood paneling on the side, or we would buy one from him. He even offered to throw in a free EFY 1999 air freshener if we purchased today. Eric is working hard to make his quota this year, keeping his eyes locked on the grand prize…a 10 lb canned process ham (*may contain portions of pigs not edible for human consumption). Eric’s Christmas wish and advice to the world:

“I am Eric, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations”.

“Studies show that more information is passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos, which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.”

“I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.”

An update on Mason Edwardo Bates

Oh, how our little boy Mason has just grown like a weed this year (dandelion of course, its our favorite within the weed family). As you can see Mason has once again been busy with his modeling. This year he was able to make enormous progress in his male modeling career as he was placed on page 15 of the ShopKo after Thanksgiving ad. Unfortunately, it was next to the women’s "intimate apparel" advertisement SO… I don't think the attention was on his big eyes. Mason is hoping to strike it big by becoming the newest spokes model for Alberto’s 24 hour drive-thru Mexican food. Here is Mason’s advice for the world and lessons learned this wonderful year:

“I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”

“At the Mason E. Bates Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking.”

“What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building? I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!”